Workshop Wisdom

[crazyclark31]

if it jams, force it
If it breaks it needed replacing anyhow

[Beer_Cruiser]

When all else fails read the Instructs

[mudlva]

When all else fails read the Instructs

Hay hay come on there fella cut that type of talk out
Bloke will lose his man badge if he starts doing that
Next thing you know the fearer sex will be in there with a book of rules showing us how things should be done

[curly12]

When all else fails read the Instructs

Hay hay come on there fella cut that type of talk out
Bloke will lose his man badge if he starts doing that
Next thing you know the fearer sex will be in there with a book of rules showing us how things should be done

You don't know his other half do you................

[Jay]

Screwdrivers make great prybars aswell, until the snap, causing great injury.

This is the reason I have so few screwdrivers left... hahaha

[yael]

Thought of this one while answering another thread.

Measure twice, cut once

I work by this every day.

Cheers,

but if the steel rule has been used for a gasket scraper or bog knife, cut many times until it fits or if you cut too much off weld abit back on!!

[badnuz]

if at 1st you dont succeed pretend you didnt try

[PR]

If all else fails ask Brian.........

[butcherboy]

Duct Tape and WD 40 - what else do you need?

cable ties man they hold everything together

[taz01]

If all else fails ask Brian.........

wait until they have put it together admiring their handiwork stroll past point out the cockups......keep walking moral is ....a third opinion does make a difference

[PR]

If all else fails ask Brian.........

wait until they have put it together admiring their handiwork stroll past point out the cockups......keep walking moral is ....a third opinion does make a difference

They wernt cock ups they were new inovations that didnt work

[UBZ]

A functional eyerom-meter is better than any ruler

[PR]

A functional eyerom-meter is better than any ruler

Unless your Bob. In his case oldness = blindness and blindness = excuse

[Zooker]

If it moves and it shouldn't, use Duct Tape,
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40/CRC

[UBZ]

The more grinding you do
The better your welding gets.

[SP450andLE]

if it jams, force it
If it breaks it needed replacing anyhow

^^ My fave

[slide]

cable ties man they hold everything together

They really do! I thought only exhaust's couldn't be fixed with zip ties.... Until I found an exhaust pipe held up by zippie-ties

[yael]

cable ties man they hold everything together

They really do! I thought only exhaust's couldn't be fixed with zip ties.... Until I found an exhaust pipe held up by zippie-ties

It wasn't on a red Nissan MQ by any chance was it??

[Jay]

A cross-threaded bolts a tight bolt!

I have lots and lots of 'tight' bolts!!

[Roenut]

zip up your overalls before welding above your head.
the horizontal burn marks make you look taller...

[taz01]

if the boss is under a dirty 4x4 be sure to slam a door shut.....

[PR]

if the boss is under a dirty 4x4 be sure to slam a door shut.....

From both sides

[bruntonjm]

if the boss is under a dirty 4x4 be sure to slam a door shut.....

From both sides

ill remember that when i see you under a truck next time pr

[SV1K]

If all else fails ask Brian.........

You can't brain, you have no think

[Sadam_Husain]

Take 2 steps back


some people will know what that means

[curly12]

And I can't believe no-one has posted up the most important piece of wisdom.................


If you can't fix it with a hammer, it must be an electrical problem!!!!

They probably have posted it but I missed it

[MNC]

Wear safety glasses when grinding..... unless you like metal flakes in your eyes...

If you get metal flakes in your eyes get them out or go to a doctor to get them removed by needle... don't just say 'she'll be right' and leave metal in eye until you get rust rings around the metal....

If you don't wear safety glasses when grinding, then dont get the metal out of your eye, then get rust rings on your eye balls because 'she'll be right' then expect to visit an eye specialist and get your eye balls polished with a dye grinder (cycle repeats)....

I wear safety glasses now

[tomsoffroad]

If you don't wear safety glasses when grinding, then dont get the metal out of your eye, then get rust rings on your eye balls because 'she'll be right' then expect to visit an eye specialist and get your eye balls polished with a dye grinder (cycle repeats)....

I wear safety glasses now

Been there I wear a full face shield now I dont like how the nasty wee sparkies burn up my beautiful face

[mylux]

Common Tools Explained
To the unitiated, the workshop can be an intimidating place, full of tools you may not know what to do with. To help, here's a helpful explanation of common tools and their uses.

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned cleco calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh*t!"
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bum per.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
See hacksaw.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
DAMMIT TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[crazyclark31]

That man has hit the piece ofwood beside the nail head