Offroad-Express

BEHOLD, THE MOST O'SUM LANDROVER YOU'VE EVER SEEN





surely nobody has a more potent weapon than this beast

Oh yeah, I give in, that one could obviously climb a kerb much better than my POS

that is so O'sum!!

OMG!! its got the A frame of doom!!

and 265 AT tyres !!!

and a bonnet scoop!!!



surely thats a phot shop photo... its just to O'sum to be real

kricky Skid U da man

shit theres 6 peeps looking at this page of Osum'ness

I want one oh wait i cant afford osum is there something further down the alphabet i could afford

A body engineer from Land Rover goes on an exchange visit to Toyota in Japan and watches the engineers developing the latest Land Cruiser bodyshell. He notices that on the workbench they have a cat in a small cage and he asks what it's for. The Japanese engineer tells him when they have finished a Land Cruiser they lock a cat in it and go home. If the cat is dead when they return in the morning they know the shutlines on the doors are up to their high standards. The LR guy likes this idea and when he gets back to Solihull he takes a cat to work and locks it in a Defender and goes home for the night. When he returns in the morning the cat is gone.
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Land Rovers are like women:
They leak when you don't want them to, moan on long journey's, embarrass you in front of friends and peers, and consume more money than you ever expected once you've commit yourself to one.
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Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil?
The factory took it back and worked on it until it did.
***
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same.
He replied, "It doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens !"
***
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
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Lucas - "Inventor" of the first intermittent wiper.
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Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
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Land Rover three position headlight switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.
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The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
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"I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."
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If Lucas made guns, wars would not start...
***
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators...

Gotta love them Lucas electrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEc4CowgII0

skid wrote:BEHOLD, THE MOST O'SUM LANDROVER YOU'VE EVER SEEN





surely nobody has a more potent weapon than this beast

Is that colour Dogshit brown

Q: Why did they use Land Rover for the Camel Trophy?
A: To make it as difficult as possible for the competitors...


"My Disco 3 is a Bit Like Your Wife Sir, A Good Ride But Not Much To Look At"


Q: Why is a Land Rover's rear windows heated?
A: So your hands are warm when you push them.


With a Land Rover you can't decide whether to park on a hill in case your starter fails or on the flat in case your handbrake fails.


Q: How do you get oil into a Land Rover?
A: Throw it over the engine and it will leak in.

What does the Titanic and a Land Rover have in common? It has the same turning circle and is just as waterproof.



A man in ABERDEEN buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. "Try again" he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up again, does his thing, drive home, and falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass. No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."

Not many people know that the manufacturer
of Land Rovers attempted to market a computer.
Why did they stop?
The could not find a way to get it to leak oil!

found a Osum picture for it...

Full respect to Mr Landynut

He is a masterful stirrer

Even to the point he stirred you all so much you had to start a thread to let it all out

http://www.landroverhell.com/
http://www.landrovergeeks.com

I had this Land Rover that didn’t leak oil? I took it back to the dealership and their mechanics worked on it until it did.

Landrovers don’t leak oil, they are marking their territory.

If you are going to put a Land Rover picture up on the the wall – don’t forget to lay some old sheets down to catch the oil drips.

The new model from Toyota this spring, the Toyota Apology: It gets two repair shops to the gallon

To make sure Bill Clinton's heart doesn't stop, doctors put in a
special pacemaker made by Toyota.

Toyota's slogan is 'Moving Forward' -- they don't say anything in there about stopping.

Over the next two weeks, we're going to have the Winter Olympics. ... They're doing something this year that is going to add a little more excitement. All the bobsleds are made by Toyota.

What do Toyota and Tiger Woods have in common? They both don't know when to stop.

More Toyota owners would stop in to get their cars fixed, if only they could.

They call them "Toyota" because it sure sounds better than "Revenge For Hiroshima"

Toyota! We Are Driven. We will stop at nothing....Literally

Toyota (acronym) This One You Oughta Tow Away.

TOYOTA, moving forward even when you don't want to

A guy goes into a parts shop and says to the salesman;

"give me two wiper blades for a Prado" and the salesman replies; "OK, fair swop"

On a quiet night in the bush you can hear the Toyota's rusting.

There were 5 Toyos lying in a bed and the Hilux said...roll over.... roll over

*Fingers*

unlike a landy with 2 brake pedals and a clutch... that leaks

the funniest thing about that whole toyota thing in the US was the part that was causing all the issues was built in america

id like to see those topgear boys put a landrover through what that hilux went through.

Crash bandicoot wrote:id like to see those topgear boys put a landrover through what that hilux went through.

Would be a short episode!!

Crash bandicoot wrote:id like to see those topgear boys put a landrover through what that hilux went through.

The British Army do it daily and have done so for nearly 20 years now.

skid wrote:BEHOLD, THE MOST O'SUM LANDROVER YOU'VE EVER SEEN





surely nobody has a more potent weapon than this beast

New Bush truck skid.....Can see you going up the river in that....

skid wrote:BEHOLD, THE MOST O'SUM LANDROVER YOU'VE EVER SEEN





surely nobody has a more potent weapon than this beast

It even comes equipped with a device to allow it to be 'assisted" over the tough flat bits. ( "A" frame. )

Moriarty wrote:

skid wrote:BEHOLD, THE MOST O'SUM LANDROVER YOU'VE EVER SEEN





surely nobody has a more potent weapon than this beast

It even comes equipped with a device to allow it to be 'assisted" over the tough flat bits. ( "A" frame. )

naaah thats for hookin onto the tow balls of toyotas to pull them back out

bloody useful actually, I was always needing two people to go pickup a tractor and bring it back to the yard so i wacked the A-frame on there... thats a terrible photo, thats to some cockknocker I was down two tyres... heres a slightly better one....

Good on ya Landynut your taking it well

stinky wrote:Good on ya Landynut your taking it well

hey whatever makes ya happy, morons need entertainment too

Landynut wrote:

stinky wrote:Good on ya Landynut your taking it well

hey whatever makes ya happy, morons need entertainment too

Its true i do need entertaining

There was a saying that when BMW bought Rover. The chief at BMW said at the final meeting and signing of ownership of Rover. That there are two man made things that can been seen from space, The great wall of china, and the panel gaps in a Land Rover Discovery

stinky wrote:

Landynut wrote:

stinky wrote:Good on ya Landynut your taking it well

hey whatever makes ya happy, morons need entertainment too

Its true i do need entertaining

you two must be mates

that roll bar is definately something you would of seen drive out of WTBS

Landynut wrote:

stinky wrote:Good on ya Landynut your taking it well

hey whatever makes ya happy, morons need entertainment too

I guess the Lada and jeep guys have copped it for a while so must be time for the brits.

I think this belongs here, just to get back some pride for the Landy Owners.......

idl like to see a toyota out wheel this landy

and well
can a toyota do stand stills and fry 4 tyres??????? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xggUFITU ... re=related